


Missing you

by carlyhope



Category: Twilight RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carlyhope/pseuds/carlyhope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not that I can’t live without you, it’s just that I don’t even want to try.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing you

**Author's Note:**

> This take place over the summer 2009 when Rob was filming Remember me in New York.

Why was it so hard? It wasn’t the first time they were apart for a longer period of time and she managed quite well back then. Admittedly they were just friends that time around and she was confused but she missed him still. But now they were together and she wasn’t confused in the slightest and missing didn’t even come close to what she was feeling.

 

And their little weekend randez-vous wasn’t very helpful either. It made her anxious from the moment she set her sight on him. Because she knew he would be leaving soon. And it hurt. So she clung to him like he was her life-line following him everywhere even to the bathroom before she got enough hold of herself to allow him this short moment of very much needed privacy.

 

Not that he was any better. The first day it felt as though his lips were permanently attached to her. Her lips. Forehead. Neck. Hands. Shoulder. Basically any part of her anatomy he could reach at given moment. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

But letting him go afterwards was almost unbearable. Sure she had the job she dreamed of. And although it proved to be more demanding then she originally thought she enjoyed it a lot. But the problem was she wasn’t working nonstop. And when the work day was done she went back to missing him.

 

His voice.

 

His touch.

 

His smell.

 

His warmth.

 

His laugh.

 

His presence.

 

The time lost its previous significance. The week didn’t have seven days anymore. The day didn’t have twenty four hours. It was just the immeasurable amount of heartbeats till she got the next text from him. Till she could hear his voice again even though it was only on the phone. His soothing sad voice lulling her to dreamless sleep from which she usually awoke too early clutching her pillow to her for a moment thinking it was him. And the pain at her realization every morning that it wasn’t his warm body she was snuggling to wasn’t lessening. On the contrary. It kept getting worse.

 

The first few days of being apart she let his voice lull her to sleep courtesy of the songs he recorded on her Ipod for her ears only. But she stopped after only a few days because the songs resulted in dreams about him and every morning when she woke up from those dreams without him the pain got a little more and little deeper. Now her sleep was dreamless and often interrupted and she didn’t really know what was worse.

 

They talked at least once a day even if only to say _Hi_ and _How are you_. He told her he would go crazy if he couldn’t hear her voice at least for a moment every day and she understood him only too well.

 

She even started to drink Coke because it tasted a little bit like him.

 

Sometimes she thought about how much easier everything was before when they were just friends but then he would send a text to her or she would remember how well she slept in his arms or how his scent calmed her or any of the thousands of tiny little things that changed between them when they decided to give to whatever was between them a chance and suddenly easy just wouldn’t do it.

 

It was hard but it was theirs. It was them. No pretending. No holding back. She was scared but she has never felt more alive than in the moment when she said _yes_ to a question he never really asked.

 

At the beginning of their separation – that word sounded so melodramatic, they talked about how the work was going. How much they enjoyed it and how nice it was to be something else then Edward and Bella. Especially for him. But then the gossip magazines decided to make them the thing to sell their issues over the summer and it got downhill from there.

 

Weird rumors. Crazy fangirls. Angry fangirls. Ecstatic fangirls. Missing him. It was getting too much. And seeing his tired and resigned face certainly wasn’t helping any. She just wished she could be there and smooth the worried creases from his forehead. And that usually led to the realization that he was several time zones away and in an instant she was depressed herself.

 

Even her parents started to look at her a little weirdly asking whether she was OK. And although she insisted on being just fine they all knew it wasn’t exactly the truth. Because he was her rock and without him she was crumbling down one grain at a time.

 

When did he become so important to her mental survival? It was a little scary. This dependency. But not as much as the feelings his absence was stirring inside of her. Because she could deal with the dependency. But the unexpected loneliness turned out to be more then she knew how to cope with.

 

However it was her own anguish that was causing her pain. The tired voice greeting her each day from the receiver or the lack of sparkle in his beautiful eyes made her heart constrict even more painfully. She needed him and she wanted to be there for him. Not being able to do either was doing some serious damage to her mental health.

 

Her days were turning into rollercoaster rides with the ups and downs coming unexpectedly and leaving her in a mess each time. Sometimes the irritation with the things she couldn’t do outgrew the content about the things she was actually doing. Even the make-up crew noticed. Just the other day the girl doing her make-up commented on how she started to resemble a vampire and jokingly reminded her that she was on a different set. She would have appreciated the joke if it didn’t bring back an awful lot of memories from said set.

 

If she was being poetic she would say that he took her heart with him and now she was incomplete until he came back. Except he didn’t take anything. She gave it willingly and her being incomplete had nothing to do with her heart being missing. She missed her other half. The half she didn’t even know she needed until she met him.

 

And even though taking the part introduced a level of crazy into her life she never even knew existed she could never regret taking the role. Because knowing him, having him in her life was well worth all the shit that came with being the Bella Swan to his Edward Cullen.

 

She was one step away from plasting a calendar on her wall and starting to cross out days. A month ago she would call this behavior pathetic on anyone else but now she understood. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but no one mentions the pain such absence brings. And when faced with such pain being pathetic didn’t really matter. 

 

Her musings were suddenly interrupted by dreamy piano tones and she hurriedly reached for her phone and breathed a silent _Rob_ into the receiver.

 

“Hello, love, how are you?” came from it and for the moment everything was right again in her world.


End file.
